Keeping up with Kissing

I've noticed some recent changes in kissing trends recently.

Apparently we don't shake hands with anyone anymore.  It has been my experience that kissing has replaced the introductory handshake in many social situations.  The only exception I can find for this is the workplace, where since none of us are really happy to see anyone at work, we want to keep touch to a minimum.  Lately it seems I'm kissing everyone and as I'm leaning in to kiss them on the cheek I am also saying, "It's so nice to meet you."  Well it must be nice to meet them otherwise why would I feel the need to attach my lips to their head?

There's a worrying stage to any kiss.  It's the unspoken moment of acknowledgement that both parties are somehow going to have to participate for it to work.  The introductory kiss is made more awkward if one party has ignorantly and unfashionably gone in for a handshake. To their surprise and distress they are likely to have their body literally dragged in for the kiss.  I love when this is followed by comments made to dilute the nervous tension in the air.  "Hahahaha! Oh we're so European these days..."

More awkward than the hello kiss is the goodbye kiss when you really don't know someone.  You can imagine the situation can't you?  You turn up at a barbeque with friends and you may have been introduced to someone at a distance as you arrive.  You probably spend the day talking to a small group of people and then when it comes time to leave you go around the room kissing everyone you know.  It is then that you realise there is only one person in the room you don't know at all.  You were told each other's names three hours ago but you literally haven't said a word to them since "hello".  You have kissed every single person in the room goodbye.  Every single person.  And here you have arrived at the last unknown soldier.  Do you just wave and say "See ya"?  I have often kissed this person because I don't want them to feel left out.  The poor bastard is thinking, "Please lady, don't do it, I don't need your pity."

And now to my favourite...

The "We Are Going To Have To Have Sex Now" Kiss.

This is for the over thirties only folks.  Those of you in your twenties will still recognise the kiss but it might have a different name.  The Pash.  The French kiss.  The Tongue sambo. The Tonsil Tickler.  Or The Dance Floor Hack.

This type of kissing is a strange thing.  Somehow it can be the most erotic, pleasurable and sensuous of experiences.  Yet it has the potential to be messy, unhealthy and uncomfortable as well. Personally, I love it.  Have always done.  Once you let yourself get your head beyond what it is you are actually doing with your mouth and the mouth of the other person, it is the sexiest thing you can do with a person. Well almost.

In your thirties this kiss is basically a gate way to sex.  For married people, I believe it is somewhat of a "Do Not Pass Go/Do not collect $200" situation.  That meaning, if both parties let the kiss happen, it means they both have to follow through and have sex.  NOT that this should be a bad thing (please refer to my earlier post).  I have friends who will avoid this type of kissing for this reason.  They miss it.  They want to kiss in a sexual way without it leading to sex.  Alas, it is impossible.

For the over-thirties single person, engaging in this type of kissing only serves as a reminder of what you would like to be doing more often.  So you will also be thinking a lot about sex and will probably try and make it happen shortly after.

I recall that in my twenties, it was still possible to meet someone and kiss them in this way, and not have sex.  It seems a long time ago and I'm happy to hear of any changes to this status.

In your teens, pashing is all about numbers.  You need to go out there and kiss as many people as you can.

Someone recently told me that I didn't seem like a hugger.  Well unless you are my smelly great aunt or a really revolting sleazy man, you're right.  I'm a kisser.