No, not everyone's a winner.

Last year a kid in my class stood up in front of his peers for his weekly "news".  Much to my boredom he dragged behind him a clinking sack of what I guessed were trophies.  Sure enough, out they came.  One after the other they were lined up along the edge of the whiteboard.  There were about seven trophies.  Knowing this child was somewhat challenged in the coordination department I was unable to hide my surprise. "Wow, what are these for?!!"

The child pointed to each trophy and named each sport or activity attached to the trophies.  "This one is for OzTag last year, this one is for Soccer this year, Soccer last year, Cricket last year etc etc etc".

I asked. "Yes but what are they for?"

He replied, "I already told you, this one's for OzTag, this one's for Cricket..."

I repeated, "Yes, yes but what are they for?? What did you win?  Best and Fairest? Most Improved?"

The child just looked at me blankly.  "What? No. Everyone on the team got a trophy. We all got one."

And there it is.  This is the age of "Everyone's a Winner." Even when you're a loser.  Or in the middle somewhere.  You don't have to actually win anything to get first prize.  Participation is as valued as winning.

When I explained to the class that I did not own a single trophy, they let out a collective gasp.  I had unveiled myself as a social and sporting pariah.  Clearly, they assumed that I had not attempted a single sport as a child, for if I had, and being the crusty old lady that I am now, I would have vaults stacked full of the things.

Following last year's swimming carnival presentation, a mother approached me, dragging her wailing seven year old behind her.  Clearly outraged and on for a fight, this woman proceeded to harangue me for neglecting to present participation ribbons to each and every student at the school.  Her son had no ribbons to speak of and was traumatised beyond belief.

So I said to her, "Okay lady, I'm going to give everyone a ribbon.  So they all think they are great swimmers.  Even though half of them think dog paddle is an actual stroke.  The kids who train four hours a week (as sick as that is for a seven year old) won't mind that their first ribbon is as common as mud and not worth the vinyl it's printed on but yeah....everyone should get a ribbon for being...present.  Yep.  Good idea."

Ok, I didn't say that.  What I actually said was, "Look lady, your son can't swim for shit.  What he's really good at is back-chatting his teacher and being a smart-arse, which may not earn him any ribbons now but might see him heading down a successful career path as a politician.  What I suggest is that you take your son home and explain to him that he needs to harden the fuck up. Because the reality of the situation is that he didn't win.  He didn't come second or third.  He came fourth.  And that's just tough luck.  Sometimes we don't win.  Sometimes we don't place.  Sometimes we accept that we aren't brilliant at everything.  That we can be really crap at some stuff and fantastic at other things.  Sometimes, some of us may even have to accept a life where we get pretty used to other people winning.  Lots more than we do.

"And that lesson is all about building "RESILIENCE".  Because if your son crumbles and sulks every time he isn't rewarded or compensated for not winning, he will be a crap adult.  The kind of arsehole who never congratulates another on their success.  The kind of boring human who doesn't know how to really celebrate true success.  The kind of sad person who expects everything and brings nothing. So no.  I am not giving him a ribbon."

Ok, so I didn't actually say that either.

What I said was, "Um, right, yes, I think those ribbons are on back order from the printers or something."