Do I look desperate??

Lately I have been lumbering under the misconception that I am a desperate, egg-incubating, husband hungry soon to be infertile, loser.  Well quite frankly, I'm jack of it.

Apparently all one needs to be painted with the "Desperate" brush is to be female, single and in your thirties.  God help you if you occasionally seek the company of men in whatever form that might take.  According to my reputation, if I have just met a single man I am thinking the following:

"Hmm.  I wonder if he's a commitment phobe?  I wonder if he's ready to settle down and have kids in the next few months?  Hmm, I wonder if he would be happy to get married as well as donate sperm?  Hmm, I wonder if he wants to meet my parents next Sunday?"

Couldn't it be just as likely that I am thinking this instead?

"Hmm, I think it's my round.  I really feel like a beer but I'd probably better order a girly drink instead.  I wonder if my tits are looking ok...  Oh shit, he's a legs and arse man, well that doesn't bode well.  Hmm, I'm actually feeling a little bit pissed.  Did I just slur then?  I wonder where he got that shirt?  My brother could do with something a bit like that in his wardrobe.  Have I made any sense in the last five minutes?  I wonder what he likes in bed....probably a bit of left of field I reckon..."

And that's pretty much it.  I realise my internal dialogue is far from intellectual.  But neither is it about forming lasting foundations for my future family.

So to the people who keep giving me pitying glances.  And to the people who keep saying boring, inane, shit like, "He's out there somewhere..." when all I've asked is for you to pass the chips. Can you all just back off? If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn't, I'm still a really great person.  On my own.  All by myself.  Breeder or non-breeder.  Married or single.

This so called "air of desperation" that is sometimes discussed in relation to women of my age is stigmatising bullshit.  I refuse to be painted that way.  So let it be said.  I don't want to marry anyone or have anyone's babies.  I just like men.  There is nothing "desperate" about that.

I just desperately need a drink.  To the fridge!